Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Aretha's Aliens

I was thinking last night, and I realized that almost all of the songs Aretha Franklin sang could be changed to be about alien invasions. She didn't write most of the songs she sung. So how did she select these songs? Obviously, she knew how easily they could be turned over to be about alien invasions!

For example, "Fever", which can go two ways! I prefer this one:

Sol lights up the day time,
My starships light up the night,
You light up when I blast my ray guns,
and you know I'm gonna treat you right!

I've burned all your tanks to ashes,
Your military's gone, it's true!
But when it came time to touchdown,
I found you'd given me the flu!

You give me fever...
Fever in the morning,
Fever long into the night!

Every human's got the fever
That is something you all know
Fever isn't such a new thing
But we simply didn't know!

You can easily re-do the whole song that way, or about that sizzlin' feeling when you get zapped.

"I will survive" is even easier.

At first I was afraid,
I was petrified
Kept thinking 'No where to run,
ain't got nowhere to hide'.
But then I spent so many nights
Thinkin' how you done me wrong
And I grew strong
I learned how to get along!
And so you're back!
From outer space!
I just walked in to find you here
With that smug look upon your face!

And so on: one woman's fight against the alien invaders. Presumbly using an advanced fighter prototype: I have it on good authority that Aretha was big on advanced fighter prototypes. Groucho also tells me she was pretty big even off advanced fighter prototypes.

I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumblin' down, a-tumblin' down,
I feel my heart start a-tremblin'
Whenever you're around!

Ooh, baby, when I see your face,
Yellow as the month of May
Oh, darling, I can't stand it,
I scream and then I run away!

Or, if you prefer a tender lovesong:

Billy Ray was a spaceman's son
And when his daddies would visit he'd come along.
When they gathered for deconstructing,
That's when Billy would start abducting
Out through black space he'd abuct me,
Then he'd look in my eyes
Lord knows, to my surprise!

The only one who could ever probe me...
Was the son of a green space man!
The only one who could frontal lobe me...
Was the son of a green space man!
Yes he was, he was, oooh, yes he was!

I mean, look at these easy targets I haven't even touched:

A natural woman
Until you Come Back to Me
Killing me Softly
I say a little prayer
Rescue me
Ain't no mountain high enough
It's raining men

Coincidence? I think not!


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