Thursday, April 27, 2006

A Revolutionary Parable

In a world much like ours (but missing a few essentials), there was a man named "Nin". He was a famous writer and director. He was looking for something to put in his next movie. Something which would make the whole world remember him forever.

He came up with an idea, and called his Friend over to discuss it.

"I have an idea, Friend," Nin said. "Imagine there is a secret society of spies."

Friend was not overly impressed, but there were worse premises.

Nin continued. "The spies are, when they need to be, assassins."

Friend nods.

Nin pushed on. "These spies all wear an old-style Asian outfit, all black. They wear a hood and a mask to cover their face, like a cowboy's handkerchief. All black."

Friend nods. "Cowboy spy assassins. Pretty cool."

"There's more. These cowboy spy assassins don't have morality as normal people do. Instead, they have a code of honor which they are bound never to break. It doesn't make them good people, but it makes them interesting and driven people."

Friend smiles. "Knight cowboy spy assassins. Now we're getting somewhere. What kind of firepower do they carry? James Bond style gadgets?"

"No, these guys are so badass that they only carry simple stuff. Swords, throwing knives, smoke bombs. They don't need anything more! They're old school!" Nin shouts, pointing to the sky. "And it saves on production costs!"

Friend grins. "Badass! Awesome! What is their name? It has to be something unbelievably cool!"

"I was thinking... 'Ninja'." Nin said.

"... That has to be the most arrogant name I have ever heard," Friend said.

"It's impossible to come up with a name good enough to reflect their coolness," Nin explained, "so I've come up with a clever plan. I'll develop them using this name as a silly throw-off project name. I'll say I'll announce their real name later."


"After my hundreds of thousands of fans have gotten used to 'Ninja' and are wondering what the real, cool name is, I'll tell them. Something like 'Pii'. Something really, really, unbelievably lame. Lame enough to cross international borders. Lame enough to leave a stunned silence in its wake, then a gathering tide of outrage."

"Um... okay..."

"Then, I will 'listen' to my fans. I will say, 'You're right, you're right. What say we just leave it "Ninja"? Sure, it's arrogant, but what other choice do I have?'"

"I see..."

"They'll be so grateful that I listened to them that they'll be even more in favor of these 'Ninja' then ever before! They'll watch the movies, buy the merchandise, and remember my name forever! It's a flawless plan!"


There's always hope, eh?


Darius Kazemi said...

I know what you're REALLY trying to parody, but I was actually thinking Perkplotz the whole time :)

Craig Perko said...

Shhh! ;)

Slartibartfast said...

I've just been hoping, seeing that it's April and all, that this is some bizarre belated April fools day thing. Doubt it.

"Dolphin"->"GameCube" wasn't so bad (I was kind of hoping for "Handbag" but no such luck).

My vote is for "Nii!"; an homage to both the brand name and the holy grail all in one.

Patrick Dugan said...

I still feel nauseous.

I can see "Wii" actually being marketable and understandable in a Japanese market, maybe even the general Asian market, but the NOA and NOE marketing departments will catch it and adjust for the American release.

Patrick Dugan said...

No, nevermind, thats what they're going with.

I'm trying to look on the bright side.

Craig Perko said...

Every cloud has a stained-yellow lining, eh?

Patrick Dugan said...

NinWii, or nWii, take your pick and pass it on.